end of now

everything except language knows why it exists planets, time, ocean. staring stars thinking there can't be nothing. thick gloves and thin pain wishiwas invisible. swallowing snake of eternity. geometry for squaress the left hand is the dreamer, danger, response, airways, breathing, the ghost in the machine, lightower automatic weather station, the tibetan book of your blood-sweet, defenestration, iceolated crack in the sea, how to be someone else without anyone you know noticing, alchemical quindecile, optimum ephemeris ecstasy. [thing that i remembered]

somestolen

As the universe crumbles. ice caps flooded the cities. Lightning makes it happy, thunder makes it cry. In the next world war, I will be looking for you. I will hunt you down when madness rules the streets. You will forget your past life.. the veil between life and death transparent [i think it is getting thinner, quicker these days]. you willsee clear to the other side - push your hands through to pull back the lost part of your heart in the place between asleep and awake, a jam of clustersparks, blissful memories and blown apart. kissing the halves of my head back together. when the libertines have sucked your defenses dry, ejaculating into my lap rested the jar meant for tears. internalexpanding & externalcontracting the snow carefully everywhere descending;nobody,not even the rain has such small hands. Glances pass to kisses, kisses pass on the shoulder, head out the window, vomiting, dangling dead birds from its teeth.

northpole sunset

They say atoms are pretty much made of nothing; that if they were the size of a cathedral; the matter-stuff would be the size of a 50p. the wind blows through you somedays and you become whatever you think about because there isn't enough of you to go round; holey.And sometimes other people's ideas and feelings are bigger than yours. I try to remember what I've done and where my stories have gone.Do me bad stuff telly. Oh glorious failure of imagination, platitudinal nonsense of cliché; I can't reconcile these opposing ideas in me. swallow your own tails help me. money v art money v art. oroborous. haha. we both have one of them. a slow stab of firey sticks…at artists…the time they have to think and watch, urrrrhhh, envy! impending doom feels like a creeping tingle across the shoulders, keep up the hokycokey..in out in out shake it all about in out in out shak e it all about. attic window - scream until wine came out my ears and then L made me howl with laff about the time we'd been working too hard and when it began to snow in soho I pointed at the sky saying what is that stuff? What is that stuff? ....where's your blindspot? if i remember that i forgot, it stops me, even in high winds. car rhythm in the backseat, safelike in my mother's lap, nighttime, serious father driving, motorway lights blurring and raindrop fractals on the windows.and i used to like trains but they got them all ruined for me now, the underground tunnel ghosts.

sugarcodeine: filled+emptied

time to withdraw [the music pours down from the street lamps: nobody loves you, or under stands, eyes put in squinty, you need a haircut] but we will make it too easy for you. enter your number…*you can withdraw [nil] today* Nil by mouth; stick it all up your arse. And you have no new messages. How can you complain; how they envy you. You cannot be empty for we filled you with our dreams. we sold you. Nothing to see hear. Lifestyles of the rich and famous; every missed heartbeat judged so harshlike.Trapped by lies we told you: "for whiteness you can actually mesure or your money back " "comfort you feel even if you are stigmatic" "erase deep lines forever" " separates the men from the boys" "the future's bright" "what does your loo say about you?" "your home is infested by germs" "you're old and ugly" "you smell terrible" "your dog's filthy!"
you’re a bigger onion than we thought. But your dreams are silent and you only half remember anyway. forgetting more every waking moment…want to hold you, want to hold you. Can't tear ourselves away. anyway.But paranoia beats thinking nobody cares

he opens the windows before bed,
in case we're outside on the stairs,
and fills the moat nightly
with his tears and spittle,
and wraps our old cotton shirt
round a hot water bottle.

here

it's really no way to live. Having no idea what the next second of your life will be like. no certainty, safety. some pretty predictable guesses, but nothing. really. and we know nothing, and we all think we're it, the one perspective, billions of meaning structures struggling to make sense, and no two alike. anyway, i love that i love that i love that i lovethat and oh i love that and i love that and i do love that and i do i do oooo i do i do i love that i love that yep, oh, yea, i love that i lovethat and i love it again and again and over and over hmmmmmmmm ah ha aaah and over i love it i love it oh, mmmmh, i love that i love it over and over i love it i love it ad i love it some more and ilo love and mmmmmwww love it i do i love <------

eleventyninth time

it gets me home; knowing you'll be sitting on the steps outside.one night. like you said (and i heard it, i did), and i do believe you, but it's the eleventyninth time you have plainly not been there. somenights, like today, i think i see you, hugging threadbareknees to determined chin, loved-off fur; thin hair. But from a distance. bloodraces electricsoup but you're nowhere when i get to the door. fuk maybe it wasn't you at all and just a bored smoking postman or a blown stellar shopping bag or something, just a template casting for all faces. but i don't think i could get back here every time without knowing that one time you'll stay long enough for me to sit beside you on them steps.